Fighting so hard

We spent most of Christmas Eve night and Christmas early morning at the hospital with Brenna as her tiny, fragile body fought hard against an aggressive infection. She is so prone to infection because of both the fissures in her skin and because her umbilical line is still open because it’s the only means they have for giving her medicine, etc. Evan was at the hospital with her to say good night when they received her bloodwork back from earlier in the day showing that she was positive for an infection. Because they got the results back so quickly, it indicated it was pretty aggressive, and they quickly called me to the hospital.

I felt so helpless as I sat there pleading with God throughout the night, again and again, “Please don’t take my baby girl on Christmas.”

The main concern was her breathing, and they had started to give her oxygen. If her breathing became bad enough, the only other option would be to go to a respirator. They have told us from the beginning that this is practically an impossible option – it is extremely difficult to do this for tiny babies anyway, and the respirator must be placed in a very specific position down her mouth and not moved. With her skin the way it is, attaching the respirator is, like I said, pretty much impossible, not to mention would likely be extremely uncomfortable for Brenna.

It was the worst feeling in my entire life as Evan and I sat there with the doctors discussing the likelihood of having to say goodbye to our precious girl. We were so torn between wanting to try everything in our power to save her life, and facing the reality that choosing to insert a respirator would most likely only inflict pain on her, which we absolutely do not want. When the doctor and nurse told us that if we decided against the respirator, they would make her “as comfortable as possible while her breathing deteriorated,” we could do nothing but sob.

We are so thankful that Evan’s childhood pastor who married us answered our call at 1 a.m. and came to the hospital to baptize Brenna Helen Marie. It soothed our souls to have her baptized.

They ended up then doing more tests at 1:30 and again at 5 a.m., and they showed slight improvements in her blood, and for the time being, she was as stable as she could be. By that point, we were past the point of exhaustion and decided to try to get a couple of hour’s sleep at home.

This morning, we talked to the nurse and Brenna’s lung saturation is up to 95%, which is really good, and though she is still on oxygen, it is at lower levels. PRAISE GOD.

We are by no means past this infection, but our little girl is showing us that she is a fighter. We continue to ask for your prayers as, God willing, Brenna continues to fight through this.

22 thoughts on “Fighting so hard

  • December 25, 2011 at 5:51 pm
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    I can’t help but to cry with you, Court. There is no doubt you’ll have my entire family thinking of and praying for you all today. God bless Brenna and the rest of us as well.

  • December 25, 2011 at 5:56 pm
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    I’m sorry you have to fight so hard Brenna and family, it’s just not fair…… but you can do this. We love you. Mindi Allen and Family.

  • December 25, 2011 at 7:16 pm
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    I can’t even speak the words I want to say without crying for/with you but I am a very strong believer in faith and healing. Brenna is already this amazing little girl that has touched so many lives and I am in awe of her strength and yours. Praying right now for her infection to be gone completely!

  • December 25, 2011 at 7:24 pm
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    That little girl is a fighter, Courtney! Praying for and thinking of you all.

  • December 25, 2011 at 10:10 pm
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    Sobbing and praying with you! I can’t begin to express my thoughts to you. You are all in our prayers especially little Brenna. The Buffalo Hart Church held you up in prayers this Christmas morning!
    God Bless You and Keep You
    Bill and Judy Shutt

  • December 26, 2011 at 12:16 am
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    I’m so tearful as I read.. You are such a strong couple I’m so happy to hear she is doing better!!

  • December 26, 2011 at 1:02 am
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    Our entire family is praying for you guys. Brenna is such a fighter and you are both so strong! Hang in there.

    Lissa & Cris

  • December 26, 2011 at 2:39 am
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    Thinking of all of you. Prayers and blessings to you this Christmas. -Lauren Coleman

  • December 26, 2011 at 4:45 am
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    Courtney and Evan – you both are constantly on my mind! I am lifting Brenna up in prayer to our God who is able. May He give you all much needed strength, comfort and peace. And that He would heal Brenna of this infection.
    We will continue to pray for you all!
    Alayna (and Andrew) Paoni

  • December 26, 2011 at 8:34 am
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    Thinking of you, and praying for your sweet girl and your family to get thru this! You’re not alone!

  • December 26, 2011 at 3:36 pm
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    thank you so much for sharing your’s and Brenna’s very personal journey. I consider this a gift.Sounds like Brenna is fighting this infection and she is a tough little angel. You have my prayers coming your way. Leslie Frederick

  • December 27, 2011 at 4:32 am
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    Oh Court. I’m so sorry you had such a scary day. We are praying for you every day. She sure is a fighter.

  • February 17, 2012 at 3:10 am
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    I am so grateful for moms like you who aren’t afraid to share their faith in God and miracles. It would be so easy to ask “Why?” and certainly no one would blame you now for doing so, but your example of trusting God and turning to Him to carry your burdens is extremely noble and I applaud you for it. Little Brenna is so lucky to have a mother like you!

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