The library in the downtown city was bustling the morning we stopped in to see a science show, and we were early. I sent Connor and Brenna off to play while I browsed some books in the dinosaur section.
I noticed a little boy approach my kids, and he was wearing a t-shirt for a local daycare, matching several of the other children as well as some of the daycare teachers. I heard him ask about Brenna’s skin, and when Connor responded that she has a skin condition, he asked another question. That’s when his teacher called him over and spoke in a low tone. I caught phrases like “don’t need to ask all those questions” from the short conversation. It was the kind of experience that happens quite often – a child questions Brenna’s deep red, peeling skin covered in Aquaphor and then a parent or supervisor steps in.
But this woman then did something that no one else has ever done.
She got up and walked over to me. “I’m sorry he was asking questions about your daughter. I told him that we were all created differently and in different colors. I tell the kids all the time to see how I was made brown and they have lighter or darker skin.”
“No, it’s OK,” I told her, happy for this extended conversation. “A lot of kids ask about it. She was born with a skin disorder and…”
The woman cut me off. “Now, honey, you don’t have to explain anything to me! We all look different!”
Permission not to explain. Acceptance without explanation.
The one thing that stands out from that brief encounter was that we don’t need to know.
We don’t need to know why to appreciate someone’s differences. We don’t need to know to extend ourselves into connection with another.
We don’t need to know about someone’s specific condition, or ability, or accident, or other circumstances to simply realize that we were all created so magnificently by our great God. His masterpiece can be explanation enough for loving each other well as we recognize the light of the Lord within each other.
I always prefer to educate and would much rather receive a thoughtful question than a stare or a judgmental comment mumbled under someone’s breath about “what a terrible sunburn.”
But instances are vividly highlighted in my mind of times when others did not understand, nor did they question. They were simply kind. They seemed to assume the best, instead of the worst – believing that their curiosity about our daughter was not more important than her feelings as a person or our desire to enjoy an experience unquestioned about her appearance.
Yes, knowledge is power, and I have seen firsthand that when someone understands something, they accept it and appreciate it much more quickly and easily.
But we don’t need knowledge to hold open a door for the person behind us. We don’t need knowledge to say hello, smile, and meet the eyes of someone who looks different than we do. We don’t need knowledge to give someone a heartfelt compliment or offer of help. And we don’t need knowledge to teach our child how to be respectful to everyone and consider the feelings of another.
Knowledge can be power, but simple kindness is even more powerful.
What a wonderful thing .shes so beautiful you have a beautiful family bless you guys
No mater what anyone says Brenna’s a gift from God. When my son was 8 I almost lost him. He was hit by a car and had a closed head injury. I was told that if he lived he would have to learn how to walk and talk again. He was in a coma for a week. The whole time all any of the Dr’s would tell me is that he’s not out of the woods yet. I was a single mother of two. I prayed more than ever my church family came to see us and pray with me. A priest From the hospital came and was talking to me he told that my son was holding his own I told him no he’s not on his own that he is in Gods hands. He gave me a funny look and left shortly after. while my son was in a coma the verses I will never leave you or forsake you and I am with you always even to the ends of the earth kept going through my mind. It gave me comfort. A week after the accident I was told that he probably wouldn’t make it through the night. I prayed and told the Lord that he promised in his word that he wouldn’t give us something that we couldn’t handle. And I told him whatever his will is to let it be his will and if I got to keep my son that I would take him in any condition. I slept better that night and I I had peace about whatever happened. The next morning a little after 6 a nurse came and got me told me I had to come right away I was thinking that this is it. But just before we turned into his isolated room she told me they couldn’t keep him still. He woke up trying to get out of the bed. He didn’t have to relearn how to walk and talk again. He had a bedsore on the back of his head the scar tissue is still there and it made him feel bad about it kids would tease him about it. I was also told that he would never be able to hold down a job even while he was in high school Dr’s would tell me that also all the ARD meetings that I would attend for him. He is now 29 going on 30 he has no trouble holding down a job he now makes friends a lot easier. He is my miracle child. I want to thank you for sharing Brenna’s story.
This struck a chord in me. Thanks so much for sharing. As a Gramma awaiting adopted grandchildren from China, I’ve found myself quizzing families with a child that looks different (like might be from chine or adopted) I know I know… I feel like a fool, but in a good way. I took that conviction straight to the heart! It doesn’t matter and I don’t need to know. Thank YOU!
I stared following you on Insta and your blog as well. You’re a beautiful writer and your daughter is beautiful. Your family is precious. The mouse joke! “Squeak squeak!” So so sweet!
Thank you so much!! 🙂